This is the only truth I've found.

Feeling so much emotion.
It's surging through my heart and mind.
Nothing does it to justice.


Always telling myself that writing would help.
The truth is, writing doesn't allow me to explain anything.
I only feel the relief of this stress, this heavy mound of thoughts--when I cry.
Even then I still feel the pain.
How does it go away? How do I get rid of it?

Ignoring it doesn't do anything.
Anything.

Simply choosing to ignore something does not negate the fact that it is still going on, if not stronger than you anticipated.
I know this, yet I still do it.

Too many people to please, trying not to get hurt, trying to be everyone's friend.
To be on the good side of EVERYONE--it doesn't happen.

My mind can't see that most days. I don't like to think it.

I spend so much time giving respect to others, you'd think I'd have a basket full of it by the end of the day. Figuratively speaking.
I put myself in their shoes everyday, more than once...or even twice. Managing a store of people who only think and work for themselves is quite possibly getting me nowhere...really fast.

I quite honestly haven't felt this alone before....and at the end of the day all I really want to do is to go home and see him, but he's almost 3000 miles away living the life I always wish I could live.

I miss my best friend.

I'm happy for him and support him with all of my heart.


He knows that.