In the subject related news, I finally have 3 solid friends in San Diego (Kyle being the best friend, of course). Michael and Andrea. I can be MYSELF, which I haven't been able to do around anyone else besides Kyle(so thankful for him) in so long that I forgot what it felt like. It's such a scary feeling, feeling like you're losing yourself completely. This may sound like such a ludicrous thing, that I am THAT happy over making two new friends, but I can honestly call them friends. I can go to dollar stores with them and laugh at the stupidest things, we can drive around and scream music at the top of our lungs, we can watch disney movies and make each other dinner. Finally a life outside of work. One of the best things is that Kyle gets along with them too. Its a great little group. This sounds so corny, but I don't care.
If someone would've asked me (and truthfully someone already has), how many friends have you made since you've moved out to San Diego, I would've answered/lied "so many I can't even count". Which in itself, is pretty sad. There isn't really a fine line between acquaintance and friend. There is, in fact, a huge fucking wall dividing the two-- unlike I originally always thought. My defense of this is I'd always believed that even if they are an acquaintance, I could always make friends with them in the future if I had decided to or if our paths had crossed and it was meant to be. That belief, was utterly smashed when I moved out here. This, which I have just began to realize, is based completely on MY choice.
For some reason, I got this crazy notion when I first moved out here that there was something socially wrong with me. Why was I consistently making up excuses to get out of plans with a group of, what I thought were friends at the time, from work? Don't get me wrong, I completely knew what I was doing at the time. I was being a flake and would never follow through with my plans with any of them. I just didn't know WHY I was doing it. Why continuously make plans with someone you don't like to be around? Such a great question that I finally have an obvious answer for.
San Diego is a fucking lonely city when you have no one that you'd like to share it with.
Ever since Kyle moved here and I met Michael and Andrea,that problem isn't a part of my life anymore.
I don't think I could ever thank them for filling that void.
It's official, this post has made me ultimately lame.
